Do you guys know how Sarah Jennifer Vandong passed away?

Dru- Whoa. I guess this is a Houston reader, and you must know that I know her. Unfortunately, I have heard none of the actual details surrounding her passing, but I do remember her as being a happy person every time I saw her and obviously her life is a more important thing to remember. It’s sad that it happened so suddenly and out of the blue, but moments like this serve as a good reminder of the fragility of life and to try to keep in better touch with the people that are important to us. If you’re a good friend of hers (and if so, you probably already know this), her services will be held this week.

Dru, my parent’s anniversary is coming up in 2 months and I’m not sure what to get them. They have an album of their wedding pictures and i want to do something with it, but not sure what. The pictures were taken in Vietnam 30 yrs ago and it’s LOVELY. Any suggestions what i can do with it?

Dru- You mean with the album itself? You could scan the photos and then put them onto a digital photo frame. Or have their wedding photo enlarged and framed (or if there are like, creases/wear, you could pay to have the pictures retouched if you can’t do it yourself).

What do you guys think is the reason behind some women not wearing their engagement ring ring? My sister got engaged almost 4 month ago and has only worn her ring the first week after she got engaged, then complained it was too big for her and refused to wear it because she didn’t want to lose it if it accidently fell off. Her fiancé asked me once why she wasn’t wearing it and I told him that it was too big so he went and got it resized, but now she still doesn’t wear it. Any idea why?

Dru- I wouldn’t think there’s anything suspicious behind it- sometimes maybe they think it feels weird to have a ring on all the time if they’re not used to wearing rings. Maybe it’s so expensive they don’t want to get it dirty or have the setting screwed up if they accidentally bang it around. Some girls I think wear it around their neck like a necklace if that’s the case.

But shoot, if I saved up money to buy a gal an engagement ring, I’d want that on her finger all the time. Otherwise, I’d just ask her if there was anything wrong with the ring if that’s the case.

Dru, you seem to have a lot of admirers on here. You should meet up with some of them and see how it goes!

Dru- Meh, the style of writing for those questions leads me to believe it’s really just like, one or two people who are asking. Besides, everyone knows I’m in Houston (though I think I’ll be planning a quick trip to Austin to hang out this week), so if they wanna meet me, they know where to find me.

dru what do you think about the whole “he’s just not that into you” mantra? If he’s not actively texting/calling he’s not interested?

Dru- Exactly (in most all instances- maybe he works a ton, but I mean, if you like someone, you should at least make an effort to give them a text once a day), so don’t waste your time. Except it works both ways- if a guy actively pursues a girl and she’s not responding back (girls, don’t play stupid games like that if you actually do like the guy), then he’s going to assume she’s not interested too.

Tu & Tramanh - (if you guys still answer) I know you both spoke about having the lets-be-real sex talk with your future kids and slipping condoms in their bags and all, which I think is being very proactive and realistic, but I want to know at what age would you start doing all this? What age would it be realistic to have real talk with kids about sex? They start so young now. I’m scared of bringing it up so early that it seems like I’m encouraging it but I don’t want to be too late either.

Tramanh:  I think you can sort of tell when the talk needs to be given, and it probably depends moreso on the child as opposed to a certain age.  You notice how they start acting around the opposite sex, how they talk to their friends, etc.  For some kids, it may be at 12-13.  For others, maybe not until 15-16.  Realistically, how things are now, it’s probably on the younger end.

Presumably, you’ll have a good relationship with your child, know how your child thinks/reacts, and are able to communicate with them freely, so you’ll know which angle to take when it comes to giving the talk.  You’ll know when that “encouragement” line is crossed.  Like, if your 14 year old is still playing with only girl friends, just starting to experiment with makeup, watching scary movies when her best friend comes over to sleep over, then maybe you can introduce the topic, but you obviously are not going to suggest she get on birth control or give her condoms.  But if your 14 year old is going to co-ed parties, talks about her friends having boyfriends (or sex), and you have pubescent boys calling the house, then maybe a more serious talk is needed.

I don’t really think you have to be worried about “encouraging” having sex.  Realistically, I probably won’t take the abstinence angle either.  It’s just not realistic, and the more unrealistic the goal, the less chance they’ll take the issue seriously themselves.  I feel like emotional and mental maturity is most important, and if you emphasize those points, it’s more likely to stick than saying some random goal like “when you get married.”  What does that even mean?  Just because I decide to marry this man, I’m instantly ALSO ready to have sex?  But if you emphasize being 100% sure about the other person, that you have NO DOUBTS about how he/she feels about you, that you’re confident that you truly care about thisperson, that this is something that only happens once and once it’s done, there’s no going back to just hand-holding, that once you make this decision, you unearth a multitude of responsibilities and obligations that you never had to deal with before, that you feel completely safe with this person —

I think these are the things you want your child to be aware of and looking for, as opposed to “getting married.”  Because realistically, it’s going to happen, whether you encourage it or ban it.  The more important issue is making sure they’re ready (emotionally, mentally, logistically) whenever it does happen.

Phi - how has the transition been moving into the studio? And how are the dogs liking it? Has it been a big transition for them?

Tramanh:  We love the new place!  It’s not a studio, it’s a one bedroom “loft,” so it’s not as small as a studio.  I say “loft” because it’s technically not a loft since there’s a wall dividing bedroom/bathroom, but there’s no door to the bedroom and the ceilings are tall.  At 800 sq ft, it’s a lot smaller than where we were previously, but it’s been fun minimalizing our lives.  

The dogs are confused by the place I think.  We’ve always kept their beds in our bedroom, but there’s not room in our new bedroom for 2 big dog beds, so their beds are currently in the living room.  They still walk around at night, click clacking on the polished concrete floors b/c they’re confused where to sleep.  Also, we have to take them on an elevator to go outside, which UNO is fine with, but kind of freaks Pepper out.  But we have an enclosed patio now that’s a pretty good size that Husband laid out some astroturf on and we can leave the patio door open and the dogs hang out in the sun.  I think they’re getting used to it.  There space is smaller, but it feels more open and lets in more light, which the dogs like too.

hi Tramanh, are you sick of Seattle’s rainy weather yet?

Tramanh:  I’ve only had to live through 1 winter, but right now, I would easily take cold/rainy over hot/humid.  This weekend is supposed to be amazing though!

hi Steph! why would you want to move out of socal? I’ve been.wanting to move there forever. is the rumor true about the culture (superficial etc)? also where do you want to move (just curious :)

Steph: Ryan and I want to take advantage of being able to pick up and go before the BABBIES start falling out of me (that’s how babies are born, right?).  I’d love to live in Chicago and Ryan loves the city too so I think that’s where our first goal would be.  It’s nice to just have a change of scenery; Ryan and I are pretty set on settling down in SoCal when we have kids so it’ll be good to say we lived elsewhere for awhile.  Why not?!

SoCal is great!  There are so many perks and fun stuff to do around all over LA.  I think there are certain parts of LA that can be stereotypical “LA” and superficial (mainly places like Hollywood, haha).  But for the most part, everyone is pretty chill.  The west side is super casual, beachy-vibe.  The east side gets artsy and hipster.  Mid-LA has great shops/restaurants.  South Bay (I didn’t forget you guys!) is more suburban, but still has really good family-owned restaurants.

I think you’d like it - and if you don’t, you can always move! :)

When is Tramanh coming back?! I’m sick of these stupid would-you-do-something-stupid-for-money questions!!!

Steph: Whoa whoa whoa!  I think there were only like, 3 of those, haha.

But to be fair, I did tell DRU I found it amusing how different the questions are when he answers solo versus when Tramanh or I fly solo.  I’m back today, I just took 1 day off…I think you’ll find the answers today much more relevant. 

(But I did want to know if DRU would eat dat wasabi ball)…Ryan once paid his friend $200 to eat like 3 mounds of it.  Boys.

Dru- I just brought up this idea with Stephanie. Obviously we make NO MONIES answering practically every single question that comes through here. Tramanh (and, well, all of us) have pretty busy lives so there’s really NO INCENTIVE to have question-answering take priority in trying to make better lives for ourselves (“plan a wedding? Sorry guys, I need to answer this question about dating a cheater first”). So I suggested the following:

You know how there’s a free app and a paid app? What about an askphivy premium site?

askfreevy features the following:

• stupid questions
• dru

askphivypremium (askphremium), where for the low low price of $9.99 a month you get:

• filtered, higher quality questions
• questions personally and quickly answered by tramanh and stephanie
• no dru
• more Ryan & Tu

I think this way, it’s a happy medium for everyone. I get to answer bro-type questions and if you want to pay a little more, you can swoon over significant other’s responses and what-to-wear-to-match-how-to-get-better-skin questions.

I find this concept pretty amusing, and I’m sure online MBA classes will do case studies about this business model for decades to come.

dru: will you marry me?

Dru- Are you a dude? Because we can’t do that in North Carolina anymore, bro. Are you a girl? Depends, what’s in it for me? I don’t know anything about you- what are you into? Being lewd with two dudes with food?

have you watched krispy kreme the baddest on youtube? do you find him to be the best rapper alive? because i do…

Dru- I’ve never heard of this fellow. Tu showed me the ultra talented 50 Tyson a few years ago and that’s the benchmark I set for amazing rhymes. This line by Eli Porter is also one of my favorite lyrics ever: I’ma let you know who the best by the hour/It’s like Rosie O’Donnell at a bisexual bridal shower. WORD.

have you ever tried doing the Trudy’s Trifecta?

Dru- I’d never heard of this until now. I googled it expecting it to be some dirty sex deed on urban dictionary. I actually love Trudy’s mexican martinis, but I feel like they’re not that strong anymore. I would want to do this next time I’m in Austin if someone else wanted to try it too. It’s not fun being the only drunk person in the group (well, it is at the time). But then the next morning, I’m always like this:

i’m full of hard hitting questions today, so please bare with me. it must be the half-priced frappuccino. would you eat a ball of wasabi paste for $5? probably golf-ball sized. $10? $20? also, have you tried balut? would you try it? for how much?

Dru- Ball of wasabi paste? Can I eat it little by little, or do I have to stick it all in my mouth at once? Not for $5 at that rate. Maybe a hunnerd bucks if I could eat it little by little. If I had to shove it in my mouth (and I’d probably barf), maybe $200?

Psssh, balut? That’s like difficulty level: asian. I’d do that for free. But if you’re a sucker who’s grossed out by it, I’d pretend and be all, “Oh dear me, my stars, not balut! Oh how much would it cost me to eat this horrible, horrible thing?” and I would see if I could go about three fiddy more than whatever you offered.

okay then, if you had completely shave off your brows for a year with no filling them in (no tattoos, no crayons, no makers), whats the minimum you would do it for?

Dru- Again, assuming no work consequences and public requirements… oh man, this one is a little harder. Maybe $50k? I guess I’d grow out my bangs like crazy though.

Also, what’s up with women shaving their eyebrows off as a fashion statement? Did you know that this kills the boner? It looks HORRIBLE. Deal breaker: no eyebrows.