Tramanh - did you ever get your Chanel WOC? How do you like it? I really want one too!

Tramanh:  I did!  I got the Timeless CC WOC in black caviar and silver hardware.  I love it!  Have been using it everyday.  On days when I need a bigger bag, I just tuck the chain into the purse and use it as a wallet.  Super versatile!

Stephanie, my fiance thinks it’s a waste of money to have a professional photographer to take our wedding pictures but for me i want to look good so i want to hire someone that’s professional. He wants to ask our friends (who i think are amateur) to take our pictures. What should i do?? it’s only once in a life time and i want to look purttty.

Steph: You will have to have a frank discussion about the top 5 priorities of your wedding so you two are on the same page.  Let him know that out of the 5 things (including venue, dress, etc.) that photography is high up there.  You only get ONE shot at taking these photos for this ONE special day and while you think that his friends are great side-photographers, you would rather leave it to the professionals.  It’s their job to understand what goes into a wedding and what standard and candid shots are the best, they know how to get the best angles, the best shots, make people feel at ease, and get those moments onto pictures.  On top of that, they know how to produce, edit, and fix photos that your friends may not have the expertise in.

If those points don’t get you in - let him know you would rather have his friends sit back and ENJOY the wedding as guests versus making them work for you.  By all means they can supplement the professionals (maybe behind the scenes or pictures of the guests while the professionals are taking photos of you), but you would feel bad if you asked them to work on a day in which you would rather celebrate with them.

Hi Stephanie, I’m the one who asked the question about the phone interview, and I just wanted to let you know that I got a second on-site interview!! Thank you so much for all the advice! It really helped and I just have to say you are so awesome!

Steph: Say whhaaaaat?  Congratulations on your second interview!!

It makes me happy that our advice actually helped someone…though I give all the compliments to you (as I did very little.)  Great job!

Let me know how the 2nd interview goes!!

http://www.askphivy.com/post/22344791791/i-have-a-phone-interview-for-a-potential-job-and-ive

I want to dye my hair lighter for the summer, but i don’t want to do the ombré because so many of my friends have it right now. Last summer I did regular blonde highlights and i felt so 2004! Any suggestions on non-ombré lighter hair colors for summer?

Steph: I’m in your boat.  I love ombre hair, but 1. I don’t know if my hair will take to it and 2. Everyone has it!  I was going to get highlights under need the first layer of my hair, so that’s definitely an option.  Essentially instead of highlighting the surface layer of your hair, you take highlight everything under so it’s kind of “unseen” and gives it dimension without having it look like 2004.  Some other highlight options I like:

I’m currently finishing up my undergrad degree (BSc) but I feel so lost.. I feel like I should have tried to write my MCAT and get into med, but now it’s too late (GPA not good enough). Help! What should I do? I’ve done a lot of research for other professions but nothing appeals to me. Sigh.

Steph: Oh noes, quarter-life crisis.  Where to go, what to do?  School is so different than the working world.  You spend 4 years thinking you want to do one thing then you’re about to graduate and go, “Wait - do I want to do this FOREVER?  Oh noes, I don’t!” and now you feel stuck.

Try this - narrow things down that interest you.  They can relate to your degree, but they don’t have to.  Just because you have a science degree doesn’t mean you HAVE to go into science, but at the same time, just because you go into science doesn’t mean you have to go into medicine or become a doctor.  There are so many options out there, inside and outside of science.  Start thinking about what actually interests you enough to pursue.

Let’s say for instance you want to continue in science, well there are a thousands of things you can do - from R&D to sales to pharmaceuticals to ANYTHING.  There are a lot of ways you can utilize your degree within the field without having to take your MCATs and become a doctor.  You can get your masters in another field and continue your education with a science background.

It’s easy to be overwhelmed because you have this expensive and specific degree - but it’s NOT as specific as you think it is.  Talk to family members/friends who are in the science field.  See what they enjoy doing, what other positions they think you might be good for.  You never know, they may say you’d be a great teacher and that’s something you never thought about but can now pursue.  Instead of wallowing in being lost, figure out your own path.

Dru- Like Stephanie said, you don’t necessarily need to pigeon-hole yourself into the medical field if that’s what you studied for, but don’t want to ultimately end up doing. Look at me- I did the bio/pre-med path for undergrad and now I’m a research and development tax consultant. Does my degree help with what I’m doing? Yes, a little. Did I ever think I’d end up doing what I do? No.

There are plenty of fields that can use your science degree to various strengths- big 4 accounting firms sometimes will hire you for that. You can also pursue graduate school- there are a lot of different ones to choose from. Health care administration could be something that might interest you if you don’t want to do things along the standard lines of pharmacy, dentistry, and optometry or law. Maybe journalism is more to your liking.

A lot of people I knew who were business majors jumped to medical after college, and a lot of science majors jumped to business. You don’t necessarily need to do what you studied for in undergrad. You could be an energy trader or look for jobs overseas. Right now, the world is full of opportunity- I’d recommend just talking to a lot of people and see how they fell into their current jobs.

Going to a wedding banquet in a few weeks and i’m having a hard time looking for a dress to wear. I know I want something loose fitting, chiffon perhaps? Since i’m about 5’1.. something not too long, probably knee length. Not sure where to look though, any recommendations?

Steph: Francesca’s Collections immediately comes to mind because they have a lot of loose-fitting, chiffon-like dresses.  Such as:

Other stores include major department stores (Nordstrom, Bloomingdales), but also try Anthropologie.

I have a Ferragamo leather handbag… Ive had it for years, but havent been using it lately because the leather is looking worn in some areas. Where can I take it to treat the leather? A shoe guy?

Steph: Yup, the best place is to go to a shoe repair - they have the necessary cleaners, dyes, and polishers to spruce up your leather bag.  I had them do that to my mom’s Chanel bag.  It was like $35 or so?

Steph, do you use dry shampoos? Any recommendations?

Steph: I’m sorry, I don’t.  I actually am terrible and wash my hair once or twice a day (blame morning runs and the gym).  Actually I probably SHOULD use dry shampoo so I don’t have to wash my hair all the time, but I can’t stand the smell of “head” or the feeling of oily hair.

Readers - help us out - what dry shampoos do you use?

Steph- what are you getting your mom for mother’s day? and do you buy gifts for Ryan’s mom? HALP I NEED IDEAS

Steph: Oh man, I have no idea what to get Ryan’s mom.  My sister and I got my mom a pair of earrings after she lost one of them from a previous set.  My mom actually got Ryan’s mom a few small gifts for Mother’s Day (like a clutch, PJ set, etc.)

Ryan’s mom is kind of difficult because she doesn’t like using new things (why use a new blender when this janky one works if I just jiggle it around?  why use glass tupperware when I can use the plastic ones from Jack in the Box salads?)  So it’s difficult to convince her to accept my gifts.

I stick to things that are safe: scarves, simple jewelry, a nice dinner out, a “date night” package for both parents (movie tickets, popcorn, etc.).  I also would recommend spa treatments and facials, as it’s something that most moms wouldn’t spend on themselves but would love.  If she loves fitness/working out, maybe getting her a private session with a trainer or some yoga clothes.  

Another idea moms love is hosting a photoshoot with her children and grandchildren and taking photos and framing them.

My future mil always tell me to get adapt to my fiance’s ways of life and style and it bugs me. the reason she said that because he was asking me if i want to eat dessert along with my dinner , which i refused adn think it’s weird. She then snapped at me and said you should get used to it. WTH @_@

Steph: Ah yes, MILs (almost wrote MILK, lol!) who think everyone and everything should revolve around their sons.  But as long as your fiance doesn’t feel that way, then his mom can think anything she wants.  Ryan’s mom is always like “My son is the best!  He is so amazing!  You are so lucky!” (half jokingly, but I also know she’s kind of serious), meanwhile MY mom is like, “Stephanie is my princess!  She is so beautiful and smart!  You are so lucky!”  So see, both moms are guilty of the same crime - no one can compare to their child.

Ryan and I know that we need to meet halfway, that we adapt to EACH OTHER’S lives, not that one needs to concede more than the other - that’s more important than his mom harping on you to bend over backwards for her son.  She’s thinking of it as a mother’s point of view, not as a wife’s point of view - two very different things.

If stuff like that happens often and bothers you enough, talk to your fiance and just make sure that he knows that your relationship is 50/50, regardless of what mom says.

Do you think “negotiated monogamy” aka a hall pass ever works for the betterment of a relationship?

Dru- I had to look this up. I’m sure it works for some people, but really, what’s the point? If you’re making a vow to be with someone five-ever, hold up to it. That’s the person you want to be with and that’s that. Otherwise, you can just be friends with benefits if you just want to hook up with random people (and we all know how well this friends with benefits thing works after answering all these questions on askphivy).

Steph: Yeah I didn’t see that movie so I didn’t know what that meant…I guess I feel like I should watch it.  But from what I understand from the article DRU posted, it’s about creating this openness in your relationship that CAN lead to having sex with other people, but sometimes it doesn’t.  

What I appreciate is the openness of talking about sex and boundaries - especially after things become stale/mundane.  Talking about the thought of someone else giving a lap dance to your partner may be the spark you need to be turned on and reignited.  That doesn’t mean he gets one, it’s the thought and talking about.

Whatever works for every couple.  I’m not going to knock on couples that have open marriages or who have these negotiated monogamy as long as both parties understand what is going on, expectations are set, and each person respects what has been discussed.

so my group of friends are all suddenly on this fitness hype. they plan things fitness related and exclude me which is fine and understandable. so one of them invited me into a chatroom to ask if i wanted lunch. i responded and someone says to me to get out of the chat with a “jk.” then later on i responded to clarify something they were trying to figure out and someone else tells me “shh.” i’m getting annoyed at the fact that theyre being so rude! what would you do/say?

Dru- Ah, being left out kinda sucks, so if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. If workin’ out isn’t on the list of things you want to accomplish for now, you can just send them pictures of fried chicken and mac and cheese in retaliation and if they reply, be all, “shhhh”. Just kiddin’, I dunno, I wouldn’t let it bother me. Just hit “x” and close that little chat window and continue doin’ what you do.

Steph: You can be upfront with them, especially if you find their actions and attitude rude or unacceptable.  I would just be like, “Look guys, I’m totally supportive of your fitness and health movement - I think it’s great and I’m so proud of you - but I feel like you guys have become more exclusive and have ostracized me out of the group because I’m not participating.”  Let them know you will support and try not to sabotage them but that you still are their friend and they should treat you as such.

Girls love bonding over things, ESPECIALLY if it’s exclusive things…this is pretty much a phase that they feel only THEY can talk about, they’re going to love it when other people “just don’t get it.”  Don’t feel bad, this week it’s fitness, next week it’ll be a book, the following week it’ll be a diet.  

how do you stay civil with people you no longer consider friends (when situations arise for you to keep seeing them)? we were once friends years ago and recently have had more opportunities to run into them. I’m polite but have no desire to hang out and it’s awkward when everyone else says yes but me. I’m really that uncomfortable around them so I would just like to avoid the situation altogether in a polite way (without confrontation if possible). it’s because I’ve changed and they haven’t

Steph: When I see my old group of friends, I’m always really pleasant towards them, hugs, kisses, “you look great,” “how have you been?” etc.  But after exchanging pleasantries, I usually stick with my current group of friends or a few of our mutual friends.  I don’t necessarily FORCE myself to hang out with them, I find my own thing there.

Usually if you feel it’s uncomfortable, they can sense it and instead of being creepers and lurking around hanging around on the outskirts of their group, I hang out with the people that I know I’ll have a good time with. If you want to avoid those situations altogether, you can always say you have plans or you can initiate the next outing and choose who you invite.

Try not to be uncomfortable, consider them more acquaintances than ex-friends.

Dru- I hear ya. But we’re all mature adults, so I think you’re doing fine- be polite, you don’t need to be fake. In a group setting, you can hang out with anyone you like, so you don’t need to interact with them at all. Still acknowledge them being there, but you don’t need to become the best of friends with them. And like Stephanie said, if you want to avoid situations, you can always decline the invite. Sure this may leave you out of some get-togethers with the friends you like, but it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it to not to be around your former friends. Either way is okay.

dru, have you thought of doing a meet up in Houston?

Dru- Not really- I didn’t think there’d be much interest in chatting with a rarely-updating blogger. I imagine myself sitting at a booth like this.

Are there a lot of Houston readers outside of my friends reading this? Maybe if Stephanie or Tramanh were in town, or if you guys wanted to be friendings with Issa and me or something we could have a blogger meetup?

Coincidentally, Tu is coming into town this month, so maybe we could all go out for drinks or something. Are you a dude? Because we could be all, “psssh, women, amirite?” Until something like this happens.

do you think its a step backwards if you move back in with your parents after youre married. to save money and to get back on your feet.

Steph: As long as you and your husband are okay with this, then no, I do not think it’s a step back.  If it makes financial sense for you and your husband and as a couple, you two decide that it’s what’s the best plan, then do it.  

I do think that you should have a timeline though - I think it gets really easy to always want to save, save, and save (which is a great idea), but at what point do you pull the trigger to move out on your own?  Write a timeline, talk about your finances, and figure out a game plan so that you two can make sure this is the right step for you.  

The pros are very strong, but there are cons with moving back with your parents.  For instance, you only get to be a newlywed couple once.  You deserve that privacy and thrill of being just the two of you.  You get to cook for him, he for you.  You’ll have a place to call your own from humble beginnings.  However, if it causes stress, aggravation, and isn’t financially smart, then what’s the point?  Finances are the #1 cause of fights among couples - if you can avoid it and reset by moving in with your parents, then that might be a solution for you guys.